When I was working Ronnie Grisanti & Sons last year, I worked with a couple good friends behind the bar in Chris Backey and JJ. While both are funny in their own right, one thing that would always happen when we got busy was one of us launching into a sports rant. We’re all huge sports fans and this was the way for all of us to figure out which one was really in the weeds. If someone didn’t chime in, they were probably knee deep in something they needed help with. When you’re behind a bar, you can never know what in the world somebody who has put alcohol in there system is going to do, say, or anything else, for that matter. Allen Iverson’s Practice rant was a personal favorite of mine and could send Chris into a five minute rendition of The Answer. I would normally be doubled over and unable to speak during these recitations. JJ, the next time around, would invariably launch into Jim Mora’s hugely popular Playoffs rant and, all of the sudden, the three of us were walking around the bar looking at each other incredulously and saying Playoffs? And yes, there were people who looked at us like we needed three straight jackets. There were also the people who spit out their beer on the bar while dining with a date because they were laughing so hard. For you, the people who didn’t get that coveted second date, thanks for laughing and here’s my first present to you of 2006. And by the way, we’re sorry, she did seem like a nice woman. Thank’s for laughing, though.
Lee Elia Cubs Manager
This might just be the most epic of all of the rants ever heard by the media from a sports figure. To truly understand this audio, you need to remember that the Cubs were losing games left and right that summer and were getting killed in the media and by the fans on an hourly basis. One August afternoon, it all got to be a little too much for Lee Elia, the then Cubs manager and, as you’ll hear, Elia let loose like no one had ever heard before, especially considering this was a rant squarely focused on his own teams fans.
Lee Elia Loves Cubs Fans
Jim Mora & The Playoffs
“Playoffs?!? Playoffs?!?” This is a meltdown that hadn’t been seen in quite some time. Most of us, the sports public, knows this bit, but I felt like the rest of us and those of us who don’t remember the entire rant should be treated to this little tidbit. For a little background, Jim Mora was at a post game press conference after another amazing defeat (I use the word amazing because Mora always find new and unique ways to lose football games as a Head Coach in the NFL) and just as Mora was heating up, one of the intrepid Indianapolis reporters just had to ask what Mora thought his team’s chances of making the playoffs were. Seeing as there is still no word yet on whether the reporter and Mora had a deal before the press conference to start this rant, but if they didn’t it was the perfect question at the perfect time.
Mora’s Playoffs!
Allen Iverson & Practice
”Practice! Practice!” This is my favorite rant of all time. I don’t know why, but it was just perfect. The timing, the execution and the full body of work with this rant only goes to reinforce one thing- this is The Answer at his finest. To remind everyone why this answer came about, Allen Iverson was asked after he had missed another practice (which had gotten to be a fairly frequent occurrence during this period of time) whether or not he thought he had to practice with his team. Now, there was some history to this issue because Iverson had played through numerous injuries during that season and his desire had been questioned in the media for a couple of months straight. After another injury and another missed practice, the question was finally posed directly to Iverson and his Answer was a classic.
Practice, man, Practice
Jerry Burns Head Coach of the Vikings
This is one of those archives you remember from when you were younger and your parents didn’t want you to hear it because of the cursing but it was still all over the media so you heard it that night and talked about it all day at school the next day. Wow, that was a longwinded explanation of why I linked this audio on to this article. The other reason I had to put this on was due to how Mr. Burns speaks. He’s got one of the funnier accents I’ve heard and hearing him talk about the game is priceless. The reason for Burns rant is that his Offensive Coordinator was being booed by the fans over his play calls and how he was running the Vikings offense. Apparently, Coach Burns felt it necessary to take up for his OC. Over the course of the season, a season which had seen the team acquire All-World Running Back Herschel Walker, the Vikings had been fairly terrible and not lived up to expectations. ‘Paging Mr. Burns, Mr. Burns would you please come down to the Press Room…they have a few questions for you.’
People, Mr. Jerry Burns
Jim Rome, Jim Everett & Chris (Video)
This was the start of Jim Rome’s career and the end of Jim Everett’s. Funny how things work themselves out sometimes, but this still remains one of the great on-air moments in the history of sports television. To set the stage, Jim Rome had just gotten his first gig at ESPN and was trying to be as edgy as humanly possible (and succeeding, by the way). After chastising Everett numerous times on the air, Everett decided he would go on ESPN and face Rome up close and personal. What happened next was something no one could have seen coming, well, maybe except Jerry Springer. To add to Rome’s laments, Everett was having a very bad season, one that had seen him fall from the elite level of Quarterbacks in the NFL to a guy who had numerous SportsCenter highlights that were, to say the least, comical. The stage was set for something to happen and when it finally did happen, everyone was tuned in because you knew something was going to happen. The best part of this video is the fact that Rome and Everett are supposed to have 5 minutes together and that fact is mentioned by Rome at least once, so it was obviously going to be 5 minutes of hell for Everett no matter what he did. I’ll put it this way, they could’ve shortened this interview by four minutes and it wouldn’t have mattered.
Jim Rome & Jim Everett
